Dusk

Fun from the IT Guru

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 03:14:14 GMT

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish..................................49.
Adventurous........................Slept with everyone.
Athletic................................No breasts.
Average looking...................Moooo.
Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure..............On medication.

Feminist ...............................Fat.
Free Spirit............................Junkie.
Friendship first......................Former slut.
New-Age.............................Body hair in the wrong places.
Open-minded.......................Desperate .

Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional..........................Bitch.
Voluptuous...........................Very fat.
Large frame..........................Hugely fat.
Wants soul mate...................Stalker.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
Yes........................................No.
No.........................................Yes.
Maybe....................................No.
We need.................................I want.
I am sorry...............................You'll be sorry.
We need to talk......................You're in trouble.
Sure, go ahead........................You better not!
Do what you want...................You will pay for this later.
I am not upset.........................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTI ONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry..........................I am hungry.
I am sleepy...........................I am sleepy.
I am tired..............................I am tired.
Nice dress.......................... ...Nice cleavage!
I love you..............................Let's have sex now!
I am bored.............................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?...........I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?........I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie?..........I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner?............I'd like to> have sex with you.
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..........I'm gay!!!!

Flamenco

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:54:15 GMT

I wanna learn to dance flamenco, so question: anybody tried? What is it like?
Found a school already;-)

swoon at work;-)

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:50:38 GMT

Why auditors are always young, tall, slender, handsome, and wear business suits?
Ok, the last one is obvious, but the rest!
My Mum was right when telling me to find a boyfriend at work *stares and handsome auditors passing by*

The Taming of the Shrew

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:20:16 GMT

Catherine is an evil witch (metaforically, of course), and she marries the man whom she hates because her father orders her. Bianka is an obedient angel, and she secretly marries her suitor who sneaked into her father's home by deception.
Am I the only one who thinks it looks inconsistent?

Sword vs sword, magic vs magic...

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:06:21 GMT

That's how it is always supposed to be, so the books are built on it.
Or are they not nowadays? I've seen it in some humour fantasies, so not sure if it is used in more serious genres;-)
The idea is "you fight your enemy with similar weapon to what they have".
But I like the idea "you fight with whatever you have and whatever works" more.

Re-read "New Spring" yesterday, and again stopped at one of my most favourite moments in the whole "Wheel of Time" series: shielded Moiraine, unable to touch the Source, thrusts her knife into Black Sister's back. If magic doesn't work you can still use other tools. In some books you can see it used, and it makes them more interesting. doctor_livsy(the "Night Whatch" author) has a co-author who wrote couple of books from the alternative point of view, and one of them, "Black Palmira", had a strong mage who was only half entering the dusk (or whatever it's translated, sorry, never read it in English;-). That made mages unable to deal with him normally. So eventually one of the guys just hit his head with a candleholder. That worked;-)

Just curious:

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 20:31:28 GMT

How can you normally guess that a girl has new boyfriend?
(yes, I'm tired of being asked about it by the Blond Receptionist all the time! Everything provokes her to ask this question. Last time it was my call to Exquire about delivery of NZLARPS gear. Hey, I didn't even call at my work time, it was my lunch!)

Naughty randomness

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 00:34:23 GMT

Found an anti-slash piece of critics: "Things like that never happen in real life! The author has demonstrated a complete ignorance about sexual life of gays!" Yeah, maybe because author is not gay? With all respect for gays, I don't think slashers care about how gays do it. Literature and reality are a bit different things. As for slash, it's mainly done not by gays and not for gays, I suppose.

Found a bit of info recently on a movie (?) called "Deep Throat" or something like that, and the woman who played main character said she was practicing for 6 months to do the actual deep throat thing, and that it was very hard. The article itself was about traumatizing during sex, and the authors said that very often people try to repeat things they see in porn, not realizing how difficult it is. Nobody will be jumping off the skyscraper thinking he can fly like Batman, but when it comes to porn, looks like many men (not sure about women, they didn't talk about that in the article) think that everything is easily possible, and if the woman doesn't want to do the deep throat thing then they just need to make her, and then she will like it. Thus - choking, traumas, etc.

Read about a case when a man divorced his wife because she refused to give him a blowjob (not sure how much true this is). She was saying she can't because she has asthma and blowjob chokes her. The husband's lawyer sais "this is not true, I have consulted with a doctor who confirmed it is not possible to get choked while giving a blowjob". I wonder which exactly doctor he consulted with.

The whole blowjob thing seems to make too much fuss around it. The most funny bit about it I saw on some forum (I give no links here as it was all 1) in Russian, 2) some random stuff I saw in internet and usually I don't memorize where it was). The question someone asked was "How can I make my girlfriend give me a blowjob?" The most often appearing answer was "make her drunk". Would he risk? What if she bites it off?

This naughty randomness was brought to you by the Dark Side of me, and I have nothing to do with it;-)

Heh

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 22:56:35 GMT

Black or red?
Pants or skirt?
Sunny or rainy?
Cheesecake or ice-cream?

Beach or mountains?
Giraffe or dolphin?
Car or train?
Banana palm tree or grass?
Lilac or jasmine?
Silver or iron?
Silk or wool?
Dark or light?
Demon or angel?
Cat or bird?
Yellow or white?
Truth or dare?
Pen or pencil?
Beef or potato?
Pendant or ring?
Love or lust?
Book or note-book?
Desktop or laptop?
Kiss or slap?
Sword or bow?
Glasses or contacts?
LiveJournal or MySpace?
Male or female?
Pork or chicken?
Tent or castle?
Lady or milkmaid?
Knight or Bishop?
Wednesday or Friday?
Celt or Viking?
Brooch or necklace?
Moon or star?
Night or day?
Whisper or shout?
Brush or feather?
Water or stone?
Life or death?
March or September?
Fur or chainmail?
Oleander or belladonna?
Rock or classic?
Time or horse?
France or London?
Crown or rag?
Bread or steel?
Ruby or fire?
Soap or whetstone?
Wall or fluff?
Hand or tongue?
Skype or MSN?
Rough or smooth?
Cloud or telephone?
Roof or dungeon?
Paper or clay?
Vase or mouse?
Peninsula or volcano?

No rest till February

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 22:00:42 GMT

Yeah, first week back to work was crazy, and Saturday was good, and on Sunday I got out of bed at 1.30 and had no energy to go anywhere or do anything, so I didn't. I guess I just needed some reast from the long and tiring week.
And today is Monday, rain, crazy deadline, and spicy curry buns from IT Guru.
4 days to work, 4 days for Taupo Joust, a bit more - and will be February. Life will get a bit more calm.
But I don't actually think so.
And this is good.

Marriage question

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 01:24:23 GMT

I've read an interesting thing in a Russian LJ community, and found that in Russia you need to make the application to appropriate organization that registers marriages, and one month after that you can marry. The question that the girl posted there was whether having a child can help child's parents marry faster. She then tried and found they had to wait 1.5 hours;-) They came there with their child. Another girl said they came with two children, and were registered immediately;-)

And I also remember a very old movie I've seen many years ago, how a guy who was fighting in WWII got a bit of holiday, and three days later had to go back to Japan I think, to continue fight, and he met a girl and they fell in love and decided to marry immediately, so they spent those three days urgently organizing everything for their marriage as there were too many things to do. Finally they married, and he left to go to war, and that's what the movie was about.

So I'm curious: how does it happen in New Zealand? I know that very few people who read my LJ are currenly married, but you have probably heard anything somehow?

Flatmating

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 22:30:38 GMT

Ok, I need some advices, and I know you Kiwis can tell me a lot about it.
I wanna move to live with some flatmates. Not now, but from beginning of November, as I have signed the fixed-term rental contract till then. I've never lived with flatmates in my life, so I wanna get an idea of what it's like. You can probably tell me some bright details;-) That would be very helpful.
I have no idea how to choose flatmates, I know that I would prefer to live with people whom I already know and like them, so will be looking for something like that... It's a long way till getting there (9.5 months, wow) but being a rather paranoid Alchemist I'm already trying to plan and understand something.
Thanks, I'm looking forward to hearing your comments.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 07:49:22 GMT

Yay, they arrived, my precious brother and his wonderful lady!!!!
I haven't seen kiwifruitbat for about 1.5 years, and I will meet janetlin for the first time!
I'm afraid that while talking to kiwifruitbat on the phone I couldn't hold my squee and was very noisy;-)))
I'm feeling totally happy now;-)

Just a post

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 00:35:38 GMT

People love me, and I love them. Life is good.

The continuation of discussion

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 11:56:25 GMT

Now comes the second part of the question:
When someone says "I'm asexual" - what does it mean for you?

Curious

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 04:31:55 GMT

Reading the F-page provoked a question:
When someone says "I'm single" - what does it mean for you?

maybe i had too much rest

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 11:34:24 GMT

I posted too many things here today, and they are all bad, so I closed them all.
Everything is bad.
Maybe not.
I don't care.

Watched "Serenity". Stupid movie. Who will be applying toxin to 30 millions of rebels without checking its effects first, especially minding those people don't care for human life? They should have tested it in lab before, and minding what bastards they are they could easily find a few humans to test it on them. If they didn't do it (while having the possibility!) then they are stupid and deserve to be eaten.
In whole I found nothing new, nothing special, and nothing particularly interesting. The lab experiments turning a young girl into super-killer-machine, the ex-military guys who now smuggle, the evil barbarians-cannibals, the hidden planet of which nothing is known ("lost planet master Obi-Wan has? How embarrassing!"), a friend of main character who dies, a good helpless priest who dies, a very bad guy who in the end becomes a good guy and helps other good guys, the experiment that has gone wrong and produced monsters ("It's alive! Alive!"), the mind tricks that turn the killer machine on and off... The list is long. And it's not even about "this is old, we have seen it many times" (which is not bad by itself), it's that all these is shown in a boring way. IMHO, of course, but I'm totally not impressed. The most interesting character is the black guy, but mostly because he has katana. The least interesting character is Inara, she's just a doll.

Tell me something nice...
When will the bloody holidays finish? I'm getting mad without action!!!

Squee, I'm a nun!

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 10:26:00 GMT

adamww has finally uploaded pictures of burningsol and me as warrior nuns!

What you find while googling...

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 09:20:19 GMT

Bikini babes break record at Bondi Beach
70-year-old with 15 inches waist

Top 10 Reasons to Eat Pigs

2nd January

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 04:45:56 GMT

4 years in New Zealand.
Still waiting for NZIS decision.

Breath. Breath! Breath... faint

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 01:27:54 GMT

Didn't go anywhere. The hyperventilation cought me on the way to bus stop.
After hugging several traffic-light columns on the way thinking "I'll just rest a bit and move further, I still have enough time to get to the bus" I realized tears are already coming down. Bad, very bad. The breath itself was not yet terribly bad but already hard. So I crawled home.
The most difficult thing with hyperventilation is to make yourself *not to breath*. Because the more you try the worse it gets. Calming down and concentrating on something different helps, but it's hard to ignore the fact that you can't breath.
Tears are bad as it's usually the first step to faint. The best thing to do when they come is to lie down and stay like that until feeling better. Or at least sit somewhere from where you can't fall (chair isn't good because it's tall and falling from it will hurt, sitting on the floor is ok). Yawning helps too, sometimes brings a good portion of air.
I think the reason this time was the yesterday depression .
Need to loose weight.
Wikied hyperventilation, read again, did it many times, but Wiki changes all the time. Currently has quite a good info there.
But I start thinking maybe I need to see some doctor who deals with respiratory troubles. What kind of doctor would that be?
As for loosing weight - well, that's just my practical observation. The more I weight, the more often the trouble comes, and in the worse form. So, basically, with 75 kilos it was almost permanent condition, with 65 (about what I have now) it comes from time to time, and with 52 it just wasn't there at all. I know that the reason is stress, but unfortunately stress can't be avoided and you can never know when it'll come. The fat is the condition that makes trouble possible.
If I ever start thinking properly I'll make myself get rid of that fat. Because even though I feel ok with how I look the whole breath thing is not good.
So yeah, if you talk to me and see that I'm yawning very often - it's not because I'm falling asleep (in this case will be no yawning at all), I'm just trying to get my breath back, so please don't be offended.
I'll go lie now, I think, as my head feels strange...

The thoughtful thought

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 23:20:37 GMT

Hm, I feel rather weird...
You know what conformism is?
That's what I've just done
Posted the big red "Merry Christmas" in my LJ.
I'm pretending I'm just like everybody.
Got 1 paper card and 2 txts with congratulations. Thank you people.
And I'm invited to turkey lunch today, so will go soon, just need to figure out how those buses go, because it's very far away, and I need to make sure I don't get lost in those coiling streets.
I'll be going around the whole day today saying "Merry Xmas" because this is what you have to do on this day.
I'm pretending I'm same as everybody else, as usual.
No, I don't actually care about Xmas. I've grown up in communist country where Xmas was never celebrated, it only appeared later, and it's just another day off when you can get drunk. Also, Orthodox Xmas is 7th January.
Not even mentioning that with all my respect Jesus is just one of the many gods for me, and even though I admit he probably exists and is a real god, I do not worship him. (How many of those who call themselves "christians" give him at least this, I wonder?)
Reading F-page demonstrated my troubles are not the worst on this day, hold on there people.
I only have the red sunburnt, yeah, once again I was stupid enough to not understand when I have to cove my poor little body.
There are no brains in this head. Why do I need brains? I have boobs instead, it's a valuable replacement.
Yesterday was very badly depressed, but since I didn't kill anyone, including myself, I guess it's ok.

to all of you...

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 22:46:06 GMT

Merry Christmas!

Bikini?;-)

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 08:58:35 GMT

How many swimsuits you have? What kind?
How often you now go to the beach to get a tan? And to swim?

I want a red bikini... They have them in Glassons for $30...

Holy pumpkin!

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 12:57:46 GMT

What if I try to use the word "pumpkin" instead of all the bad words I normally use? The lady must not swear, yeah...
So...
Holy pumpkin!
I've been a pumpkinish pumpkin for quite a while, and managed to pumpkin a lot with those photos. My home is a mess, and my computer is a mess too. I looked through those CDs with pictures several times, and found nothing. Felt very scared and angry, those pictures MUST be somewhere! What a pumpkin one should be to loose them? The community would never forgive me!

Ok, I've found them. 209 pictures, wild me... And 69 of them contain the person I've been looking for.
We name no names. Those who know - they know (perverts!) Those who don't know - don't need to know, for the sake of their own sanity (no kidding, believe me).
If you are the one who knows and wanna ask something - PM me on Diatribe or just email.
More info probably would be coming somewhere...
Once again the Siths will rule the Galaxy.

P.S. Oi, I'm a pumpkin! It's 275 pics! And 90 are of that person! Grr! I'm a bad alchemist, I can't count...

P.P.S. While looking for what I was looking for found this picture of strawberries:

P.P.P.S. Today I hate Picasa... And looks like the power of my hatred makes it work.

Rice

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 11:13:33 GMT

I got quite tired of white one so now decided to switch to the brown one. Well, I can turn back to white wherever I want, I actually still have about a kilo of it left. But got some brown too. Not only because brown is more healthy than white. I just need a break from white, but rice has always been a part of my food. So I'll keep it and see how it goes.

Also, recently I've been thinking about making a rice porridge. I know it requires milk. Googled and found some recipies.

Put 1 cup of rice into boiling water, boil 5 - 8 minutes, place rice on sieve. After the water from it flows down place rice into pan with hot salted milk (4 cups of milk, 1/2 tea spoon of salt) and boil of weak fire for 15 minutes, regularly stirring. Add 1 table spoon of sugar, stir it, cover, and place the pan into bigger pan with hot water for 10 - 15 minutes. Serve with butter.

Place 1.5 cup of rice into 2 cups of boiling water, cover, boil on large fire for 10 minutes, reduce fire to medium and boil for 5 - 6 minutes more. Take off fire, wrap in something warm (usually couple of towels), wait 15 - 20 minutes. Place rice into different pan, add 2 cups of hot milk and let the rice absorb the milk without heating. Add 3 table spoons of sugar, 1/2 tea spoon of cinnamon , 3 or 4 table spoons of butter, heat for 3 - 4 more minutes in a bigger pan with hot water or in the oven.